We are all a work in progress

We are all a work in progress and as we set out to make changes in ourselves it helps to track our steps.

In the beginning when I started this journey, I read somewhere that keeping a journal would help. In my journal I set small daily goals I could live with because I had an end (and still do) goal in mind.

In your journal chronicle things like eating, exercise and mood, not all days will be good ones but don’t give up and keep your end goal no matter what it may be in mind.

Knowing you are making changes for the better, didn’t always mean it would be easy, but it is achievable.

We are all a work in progress and I am consistently working on mine. So, I want to share with you what I was feeling when I started losing in 2005. This is not meant to discourage but to encourage you to keep your end result in mind, stay focused and committed. Change will come and it is okay to love your body.


July 2005,

Dear Diary,
As I travel on this long road of recovery, I have come to realize that with the many rewards like better fitness and health; there are also consequences that I must pay. As I grow stronger, leaner, and healthier and start to see definition in my body, I also watch the consequence from 23 years of eating pizza and french fries, two chili cheese dogs with fries. Double bacon cheese burgers with fries in case you hadn’t noticed fries were high on my list, watching television with a pint of double chocolate ice cream and a bag of lays I’d eat myself. Endless amounts of cookies and doughnuts and Dr. Pepper.

The consequence I must pay for no real physical activity on a consistent basis whatsoever. Even when I took my kids to the park, I sat and watched them play and dreaded hearing “mommy come push me,” which meant I had to lug my heavy, tired frame over to the swings and push my child (shame on me).

The consequences from my self-inflicted punishment as I look in the mirror and see my body change I also see the consequence from my lack of self-esteem, control or whatever it can be called. That consequence - sagging skin!

Skin that for the last 23 years has stretched to a state that I do not think will ever bounce back at this stage in my life. With the reality of what my punishment is from years of self-inflicted abuse, I run to the internet in search of an answer. An answer that only disheartens and affirms my destiny that even though my clothes can hide the horrible truth, a bikini will elude me and I will never be a true beach body.

As these thoughts start to take on a life of their own, I remember my goal of Fit by 50 and my “faith.” Our pastor every week tells us, “Faith is an action based on a belief, sustained by determination.” With faith in God, my determination to take action to reach my goal (reached by 2009 if not sooner), is sustained by my determination, I will not be destined to cover up and will become a true beach body.

As I continue to eat clean, workout and stay healthy, there is a great chance my skin can form (even if partly) around the muscle that I am building despite what I found on the internet. I have come too far to go back, to let myself down or quit on my health. Four years is still enough time for a miracle after all, there is nothing to hard for God.

Thanks for listening Diary.
Pamela

Today, June 26, 2008

I’ve reduced my body fat from 45% to 22% no more jiggle for me.

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